Soundtrack

Let's talk about our favorite 70's bands and how they don't get enough credit for shaping the musical landscape. I think that any movie about anything and starring anybody could be scored with music exclusively from the 70's.

Starting with:

Teenage Disappointment: The Musical

Dreams by Fleetwood Mac

The protagonist sits in a car in the rain, watching the person she loves run into shelter with another girl or boy. She vows to never feel this way again and to create an empire. A makeup empire.

Don't Stop Me Now by Queen

A montage of the protagonist's efforts at perfecting the chemistry of eye makeup, interspersed with visuals of disastrous first and second efforts, and ending in a spectacularly elaborate smoky eye, the likes of which I could never achieve, but anyway. My site, my pretend musical, shut up.

Turn to Stone by ELO

Our protagonist is high on the power of excellent cosmetics, forgetting her best friend, X, who has been with her every step of the way. Our protagonist thinks, "I don't need you, X! It's not like you helped me discover this formula or anything!" But X totally helped. Anyway, it's not a perfect analogy. Just work with me.

If You Leave Me Now by Chicago

(Real talk: I wanted to use "Hard to say I'm Sorry", but that was from the 80's. Dammit. Theory disproved. However, in the spirit of making the best of it, we're taking what we get.) Our protagonist walks, gazing straight at navel, down a city street. She looks side to side, slightly dazed from sadness, noticing things that she and her X both loved together. A gyro shop, a constantly burning tire pile...am I just thinking of things from The Simpsons now? OK, moving on. Yes, I'm exhausted with this too.

Take the Long Way Home by Supertramp

The whole reason I made this stupid list. I need to sing praises to this song as much as I possibly can. Luckily, X accepts protagonists apology, realizing the silly and petty nature of their disagreement in the first place. They hold hands and skip off into a dazzling sunset with the skyline in view. Their makeup looks INCREDIBLE.

Bonus track!

Pinball Wizard by, I guess, the Who and Elton John? I don't know about those politics. I just think this song would be fun for a triumphant moment during a movie.

So, that happened, and for some reason I had to get that out tonight. Next on Random Crap theater, I rank my favorite STDs.